I wanted to share my thoughts about something that has been a high expectation for women my age: marriage and babies. Notice that I didn’t mention love. I mean we all know from teasing couples when we were kids that love comes first, right? Wrong. At least I haven’t seen it through my eyes lately. It seems like there’s so much pressure being 22… I’m still young and people younger than me are getting married and having kids (or lately vice versa). You’re probably thinking “Why are you hating so bad?” Fact is I’m not but actually glad. You’re teaching me a few lessons because majority of the time it doesn’t end pretty or last long. So without further a dieu, I’m gonna give a few tips (or really what I would want from my relationship)on what you should expect, do or need before you say “I do”:
1. “Love isn’t just a word. It’s an action” - I’ve seen 14 year old ‘couples’ just throw this word around like dirty laundry. And then repeat the same thing, to a different person, at about the same time period of the relationship (usually within the first few days..). I mean love really is just a word but for me. NO. IT’S A ACTION. There’s nothing more lovely than a person SHOWING how much he or she truly loves some one. And I’m not saying buy a billboard ad expressing how much(because that’s creepy anyways). But I’m talking about he or she actually worries about your well being/safety. It’s like “When you hurt, I hurt.” So save the ‘I love yous’ till later on. This way you won’t wear this phrase out.
2. “You can’t just marry somebody you just met”- It’s about time disney! I cannot stress how important this could be. Who ever I marry, I want to know EVERY THING about him. And I’m not talking about late night phone calls and texting (because we really know you’re not actually “getting to know each other”). I’m talking about knowing their whole family, their faults, their accomplishments, hopes and dreams. Face to face conversations people!! GOING OUT ON ACTUAL DATES. Which brings up my next point.
3. “Dating”- Does this even exist anymore?! Im talking about he-picked-me-up-from-my-house-opened-my-door-paid-for-my-food -and-brought-me-home-at-a-reasonable-time date. Well I’m telling you it finally happened to me a few months before I turned 21 and once again a few days after that. And you know what… it was the fondest memory I’ve ever had.
4. “Sharing each others interests will not kill you”- I mean why not?! If you plan to spend the rest of your lives together and not once go hunting with him and his buddies or whatever hobby he’s into, you’re going to get bored and miserable. Spending time together could relieve a lot of stress and create fun times. Us girls do need some girl time to chill and gossip but there comes a point of time that you just need to be by your man’s side (in my case- a deer stand).
5. “If he doesn’t respect you or love like your daddy, then he’s not the one.” - Okay I’m letting my southern don’t-mess-with-his-daughter-or-he’ll-shoot side out. But assuming you have a father figure in your life (if not could be your mom, grandpa, uncle whatever) they’ll love, protect and care for you ALWAYS. No matter how moody you get early in the mornings or whatever the stituation, he should love you for who you are.
6. “COMMUNICATION.” Holy cow! I cannot express how important this but I’ll try my best to explian. First let me start off with the ladies. We are so guilty of saying “everything is fine” or “it’s okay”. When really we ment to say “WHY CAN’T YOU DO THE DISHES FOR ONCE?” or “That really did hurt my feelings… ” Ladies when a man asks you what’s wrong just take a deep breath and simply tell him. Men can’t read minds! And men please please please just let us talk. We’re weird creatures… and just need someone to vent to.
7. “Time”- Because 5 days to a few months isn’t long enough to fall in love.8. “You can’t fix some thing that isn’t broken.” - Pretty self explanatory. I know so many people that think they can change some one once they start going steady. And I was one of them. Fact is you’re too worried about what the other person is doing/acting that it could put a lot of strain in the relationship. It never ends pretty. That’s the whole point of dating. If you’re ashamed or embarrassed from the beginning, just move on. You need to accept the person for who they are. Not for who you want them to be.
I’m probably forgetting some but I will definitely post more when it comes to mind. These pointers/tips have really helped my relationship and could probably help you too.